One of the most important things our patient's teach us is that nothing is as important as our relationships. Our family, our friends, our community, and our colleagues all go together in a giant network of relationships that contribute to who we are as human beings and often set us on the journey that is life. At the very core of being a physician is the need to understand the relationships that have been formative for the patient and are essential to the patient's perception of life. All of the tests, medications, advice and medical technology cannot make up for a deficit in understanding the patient as a human being. Their relationships can alter the course of therapy and support or deny a healthy life style.

Early in my years in practice, I had the privilege of taking care of a patient that truly understood how important her family and her community were. Helen had several attentive daughters and granddaughters that not only took care of her but also treated her with respect and love. They saw in her the wisdom that comes with age and the caring that comes from forgiving. As difficult as her life had become (she had diabetes, heart disease and arthritis), she never faulted her care givers nor tried to turn her pain into pain for others. But one of her greatest gifts to those around her was her ability to love and forgive. I put those two words together because they very much depended on one another. A capacity to love can be restricted without a capacity to forgive no matter how great the transgression and no matter how great the pain inflicted.

Many patients have helped me see the healing power of love but it was this dear lady that helped all of us see the role of forgiveness in creating a heart big enough to love unconditionally. When her granddaughters would come into the room, her face would light up and she would listen to them, share a story or two of her own and then listen to them some more. When they had to run to this activity or that appointment, she cherished the time she had with them rather than fault them for leaving 'too soon'. She accepted what was given and did not fret over what was not. With her own daughters, she thanked them for each kindness and understood the demands of their lives that might call them away from her own care. Because of that, her children and grandchildren always had someone present or nearby to meet her needs. Her love was returned tenfold because it was not expected or required

How simple it would be for all of us to adopt her outlook on life. Forgiving, loving and cherishing the relationships that sustain us would eliminate so much of the stress we bring into our lives. The hallmark of medicine could again be relationship centered care so embodied by that old family physician that made rounds in a horse and buggy. We could see the art of medicine again stand beside the science of medicine as equal partners. And we would again look at the patient and the physician as human beings trying to create a healthier place for all of us to live and work.

A friend of mine, Erie Chapman, has written a book called Radical Loving Care. As you travel through the pages of that book (and others he has written), you are drawn into a world of possibility for today's health care environment. So if you don't have a Helen as your patient, you might visit what Erie has to say. I think they are both trying to tell us something.